I don't usually talk about my love life. I've never felt comfortable with opening up about it- especially to the whole world. So I always get choked up whenever I'm asked in interviews about my love life. It's easier to just go with the sugar coated version. But after some debate; I decided to make this post about one singular man because he helped shape me into the woman I am today. I only ask to not be judged about this story. I still hurt over it. *names have been changed
I met Matt* when I was 10 and he was 12. It was only for a day but I never forgot about him and I guess he never forgot either. We never talked after that day- we were both so young that meeting someone didn't mean the instant exchanging of numbers or adding each ther on snapchat (sc hadn't even been invented then) Then I got older and remembered him so I looked him up on Facebook. If you don't know Matt; you wouldn't know how much he hates Facebook. He never goes on but faith was in our favor. We both were on Facebook at the exact time. He messaged me and asked for my number to which I reciprocated.
Matt and I had a lot in common- we liked all the same things but our personalities were very different. He was the stoner type- go with the flow and avoided arguments like the plague. I on the other hand; I was sassy, strong-willed, and up tight. Opposites attract I guess. Our personalities didn't clash- they complimented on another. Matt was older and serious about what he wanted in life. I wasn't. I didn't know what I wanted. That was always the problem.
I loved Matt with my whole soul. He and I were soul mates. We were written in the stars. But that didn't change how I felt. Matt offered me an uneventful life. We would get married, have children, and grow old together. I wanted adventure. I wanted more. I needed more. And one day I woke up realizing he could never give me what I needed.
It tore me apart when I ended it. I still loved him and some days I am reminded about how much I still love him. I remember the soul crushing agony I felt in my bones when I said goodbye. I remember how I felt it so physically that I collapsed and broke down in hot, salty tears. I didn't think the tears would ever end. They still come out- like right now. I'm crying and my heart is aching.
I don't regret leaving Matt. I know I say I do but because we broke up; I was able to become the woman I am today. It hurts so much sometimes. I wish things could've been different. I hope he's happy and I hope he will find another girl to love him more than I could. I wanted things to just go back to us being friends but when both people believe you were soul mates that were written in the stars; things never end up clean. It's always messy.
The breakup made me take a look at my life and how it was going. I knew I was meant for something big- whatever it was. The breakup indirectly led to me entering the industry. Not in a negative way FYI.
Matt and I still talk. I don't know if we still love each other or not but we both know that we aren't good for each other. At least right now. I try and keep my distance from him though- talking frequently causes the wound to be ripped open. I'm just starting to rebuild those stitches.
The breakup added gasoline fuel to the old me. All that's left is ashes.
Xoxo,
Callie L Klein
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